My neighbor started molesting me when I was seven. I wasn’t the only one in my neighborhood that got molested. He got to one of my best friends too. The difference between us was that he actually told his family about it. Unfortunately no one believed him and he got into big trouble. He got his ass beat because they thought he was lying. I guess seeing what happened to him when he told people scared me enough to keep my mouth shut. So it continued for a couple of years.
When I think about it now I see what happened in the third person. Like I don’t feel it happening to me, I see it happening to me. Like I see myself from a distance bent over the couch staring at the pictures hung on the wall. Thinking about it, I don’t ever remember feeling drunk but get a visual of him pouring liquor into a glass and giving it to me.
The most fucked up part about it was that one of the neighbors across the street from us was a cop. His kids weren’t allowed over the pervert’s house. And the old man that molested me, his grandkids never came to his house either. To this day I wonder why the cop never said anything to the other families living on the street. I believe that would have prevented a lot of shit from happening and maybe I wouldn’t have been so fucked up about sex.
Sex is definitely an addiction for me. When it comes down to it, it didn’t matter if it was with a man a woman or a trans person. I never discriminated. The only thing that I would not negotiate on is that I had to be the top. I never wanted to have the submissive role. Again I wonder if I preferred having the dominant role because of being molested.
I wouldn’t even be able to guess how many sexual partners I have had. I used to go to the bathhouses a lot and not leave. It was at the bathhouse that I was first introduced to Crystal Meth. I can remember having sex literally all day while I was on Meth. I think I came fifteen times in one day. Physically I felt like superman when I fucked. My dick would stay hard for 48 hours. The only problem was that my dick would always get chafed from all the abuse I put it through. That didn’t stop me from fucking though. I had this one friend I would go with all of the time. He was a bottom and he liked it raw. I am sure that he would go through about 50 partners in one day easily. He refused to get tested. I don’t even know where he is today. Somehow I have been lucky enough to avoid contracting a life-threatening STD.
These days I try and stay away from the bathhouses and the drugs. I started going to therapy to work out these issues. It really helps to be able to talk to someone about what happened to me. I recently told my family about it and to my surprise they were really understanding. I think they feel guilty about what happened but it wasn’t their fault. I don’t hold any resentment towards them for what happened. Right now I am feeling pretty hopeful about resolving these issues and being able to move on with my life.
Alex, 23
No comments:
Post a Comment